Beginning this blog has prompted me to go back to my paper/pen journals from '98-'99 when I first got diagnosed. The big psychotic break happened in June '98, followed by a crushing major clinical depression as my brain chemistry came down from the high and got used to the new meds I began taking. A lull, and then a second mania that hit in January '99... ugly details.
I was journaling the whole time. Here's an excerpt that I find intriguing-- I had "uncovered" The Secret of The Universe during this second mania! Lucky me!!!
"The main idea from yesterday was that we are all capable (animals and humans!) of living out our own fantasies-- creating them as we go along. We can have whatever we want and learn whatever we need to learn-- from any perspective-- rich or poor, old or young, beautiful or ugly, etc. Lazy or hard-working. We can be whomever we want to be and meet whomever we want to meet-- on this physical plane.
But whatever choices we make, we must pay some price-- all our choices have consequences good and bad for others and for ourselves.
We can have it all-- just not all at the same time. And we must help each other to do this. But if we're patient we have an infinite number of chances to be whoever we want to be: Picasso, Barishnikov, a cartoon character, someone or a combination of people in our daily lives; anything the mind can imagine.
We can also choose how we want to die, and I guess, how and when we want to be born! And it doesn't have to be painful at all-- it can be gentle and easy."